60 Things Emmet Is Not Allowed To Do
by Wingless Feather
Summary: A list of 60 things Emmet is not allowed to do anymore...
1. Chapter 1

**Things Emmet is not allowed to do… **

Bella and Edward are sitting in Edwards's room, on the couch together making a list of all the things Emmet is not allowed to do.

Run around the house wearing only tights

Kill flies with the steering wheel of Edwards car

Touch Edwards car at all

Tell Bella that she's fat to see if she will go anorexic

Stuff snow down Bella's shirt

Stuff anything down Bella's shirt

Scream "Mr. Collins!" when he sees Tom Hollander in Pirates of the Crribbean

Tell Bella that she's hott while Edward is in the room

Tell Bella shes hott while Rose is in the room

Tell Bella shes hott while charlie is in the room

Tell Bella she's hott at all

Call Bella's mom and tell her that the baby is doing fine

Pull down other peoples pants in public

Pull down other peoples pants ever

Talk about the "voices" in his head

Shave his legs

Tell people he shaves his legs

Tell people that Bella thinks that he's a vampire

Tell people that his "Spidey Sense" is tingling

Prank call someone and make them believe that he is Justin Timberlake looking for hott back-up singers and dancers

Give Bella cranberry juice and tell her its animal blood

Tell people the reason he never had a girlfriend before Bella was that he was scared of bras

And he was gay

Tell everyone that Jesus is in a helicopter waiting for him

Tease Edward about his virginity

Same with Bella

Steal Edwards Cell phone

Steal anyone's cell phone

Shove a button up his nose

Try and follow Bella into the girls bathroom

Tell Edward he is going to eat Bella if he doesn't change her

Tell Bella he is going to eat her if Edward doesn't change her

Tell the world when Bella is having her period

Sing any song by Brittany Spears

Try and dance like Brittany Spears

Sing any song by Hannah Montana

Sing at all

Throw Bella in the pool

At this point Jasper enters the room and helps them add things to the list

Go in Alice's closet

Tell Alice that yellow is not her color

Tell Alice anything that has to do with clothes

Put peeps in the microwave

and then leave them in Jasper's favorite book

Smash Edward's Cd's when he breaks the TV

Use a hammer… for anything

Play with a tape measure

"Accidentally" break a school window

Scream Edwards name in his mind over and over again at school

Hum any song with the word sexy in it when Bella walks by

Same with Alice

and Esme

and sometimes Rose

Go threw Bella's tampon drawer

Tell Alice she is stuck on permanent PMS

Same with Esme

And Rose

And Jasper…

And Edward

Try and make Bella faint because you think it is funny

Set off the fire alarm at school

**I will make more!!!!! I think they are really funny! If you know any good ones tell me!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to _Shadow Dragoness_ and _Bella's-choice_ and ****_edwardcullenmaniac_ ****for the ideas. **

**I don't own these characters **

* * *

Jump out from behind a tree and scare the people who are passing by.

Cut his hair into a Mohawk and dye it red.

Wear the same clothes that you see Gwen Stefani wearing at a concert.

Sing any of Gwen's songs

Pretend to be Johnny Depp from POTC

Try and get drunk at a bar

Pretend to be Orlando Bloom from POTC

… and Kiria Knightly

Tell Edward that his car is ugly

Write a list of 60 things that Edward isn't allowed to do

Dare Alice to streak through the Whitehouse

Try and get Mexico to streak through the Whitehouse with Alice

Go into Edward's room …EVER!

Make Bella participate in a holding your breath underwater contest

Touch Edward's Vanquish

Touch Edward's piano

Play Grand Theft Auto

And then see if he can get away with it too.

Wear a Spiderman costume

Tell Charlie Bella's pregnant

And that Edward is not the father

Make August official I'm Too Sexy month

Eat all the llamas at the petting zoo

Get within a hundred feet of a penguin

Imitate Arnold Schwarzenegger

Sing Apologize by Timberland/OneRepublic

STOP SINGING EMMETT!

Laugh when Bella trips over her own feet

Smash Edward's laptop when he loses at Memory

Tell little kids that Barney swears in one of his episodes

Show little kids the episode

When Edward goes hunting tell Bella that he (Emmett) is so bored he is going to eat her

Wear any kind of jewelry

Dare Bella to drink five Diet Cokes

Scream that Orlando Bloom is HOTT!

Tell everyone about his "Little Black Book"

Tell any blonde jokes

Tell any jokes that have to do with killing a werewolf

At the airport tell everyone that he has a bomb

That he is a suicide bomber and has 4 successful missions

Make any kind of resist joke

Say "Silence! I kill you!" in an Arabian accent

Watch this video on youtube: (on my profile)

Shoot rubber bands at his math teacher

Give Mike an ultimate wedgie

And then duck tape him to a locker

and then blame it on Bella

Stuff popcorn in the couch so it makes funny noises when Bella sits down

Go around and steal all the 7th Harry Potter books and rip out pg. 625 because he thinks that Ron and Hermione could have done a little better at the whole kissing thing.

Cry hysterically and shout at people passing by that Fred and Snape both should have never died.

Tell everyone that he's trying to get the skinniest waist for the Guinness Book of World Records

Try and play the Tuba

Make farting noises with said Tuba and blame anyone who walks by

Put posters of girls in bikini's all over his room where Rosalie can see.

Tell Alice there is _nothing_ she can do to make him go shopping with her… she is really scary when she wants something

Where a pink shirt that says "Kiss me, I'm Gay!"

Drink Apple Juice

Have a "Man Purse"

Tell Bella in full detail about hunting for bears

Tell Edward that Bella thinks Jacob is hotter than he is

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**hehe... um sorry it took so long...? I dont really have an excuse except for stinky scool...**


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